


Aoba gets Kidnapped and goes to Los Vegas

by Pawnz



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:46:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11370990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pawnz/pseuds/Pawnz





	Aoba gets Kidnapped and goes to Los Vegas

It was a normal day at Gamestop. Adidas boys lining up to buy the newest copy-paste Call of Duty game, Kids screaming and kicking on the floor for Grand Theft Auto Sans Andreas and Aoba is having none of this shit. “Howdy… Brendon, I know you are buying Rated M video games but I got a game that is just as good if not better than that Modern Warfare game you are holding.” Aoba said in the fakest ass voice, like it be faker than most of the subscribers on Toy Youtube channels. Aoba used his 2 year Magician lessons from college to reveal Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth. “It got alright waifus, a fantastic plot and-” “HELL NO I DON’T WANT TO PLAY NO KIDDIE GAMES” Brendon slapped the game out of Aoba’s hand and his mom went to see that the fuck was going on. “Hey, stop touching my child in that way ever again. I’m suing you for child molestation Mr. Naruto Character.” “LMAO fuck you too.” Aoba thought to, himself. Thank god it was 10 minutes to closing time and his last customer was this 13 year old teen girl picking out Fire Emblem Echoes. “Look there is this guy in this game with purple hair and Maybeline eyeliner and I’m like 100% sure he is homosexual” The teenage girl sniffs the game case like it was a fresh stack of meth “Even better!” 

It was over, his shift was finally over now he can go back to his rusty ass shack of a house. He unlocked his car to find a reflection of a blond dude with a pretty rocking beanie, and he was holding a fucking tranqulizer gun. “So long Mr. Blue Pubes!” The blondie fired darts in Aoba’s neck. Aoba moaned as he was shot in neck and fell to the ground blushing and with an Ahegao face. “Seesh, I’m not gonna lie that is kinda hot.” The blondie said as he was putting him a potato sack. 

 

“Am… I in the Twilight Zone?” Aoba gasped in the back for air in his tiny potato sack. “I mean I guess.” The blondie spoke up over this generic pop radio station. “It’s 79 degrees why are you wearing a beanie?” “Noiz is the name, Disgrace is my game” The blondie spoke up. “Okay Noiz Boiz, why are we out in a fucking desert.” Aoba questioned dyeing his hair blue because he heard on the news of people kidnapping blue haired people to “Pray the Blue Pubes away.” “Are you going to sacrifice me to end Blue Pubes, blond pubes or pubes in general ARE NOT HOT.” “Relax! We are going to Vegas.” Aoba was relieved because he wasn’t going to have to donate a gallon of sperm and become an anti-blue-pube priest but more importantly, he was going to Vegas!

“Noiz, I think 10:00 P.M is too early for gambling.” Aoba muttered. “Also where the hell are my limited edition pink Beats headphones?” “We need money for Vegas so I sold them, we got like 19k from it tho like how much did you pay for them?” Noiz confessed. “Considering that this is Vegas, 19k is like Mcdonalds dollar menu.” Aoba has now ascended to Voice of Reason. “Let’s go to that one casino named after an Indian.” Noiz pointed at Hochunk Casino. 

In a little under 15 minutes, they were fucking wasted. Mr. Garon Homestuck Troll Man was a lucky son of a bitch and took like 17k while god knows what happened with the rest of the cash. “Look as much as I hate my job, can I go back to my house.” Aoba asked Noiz politely. Noiz, however had different plans. 

Aoba was panting like I know he was gonna see the cops somewhere in Vegas but he really needed to go to work. “Noiz, we are still driving in the wrong direction.” “Lookie, the cult of Blue Pubes needs a new member and you are a perfect candidate.” “Hol up, you said that I wasn’t gonna get sacrificed.” Aoba realized what type of shit he has gotten himself into. “And you aren’t because you are going to be a priest that sacrifices blue pube people. I already got the paper work set out okay honey.” “Oh so is that why you were in the bathroom for like 2/3 of our gambling time.” “Exactly!” 

3:00 AM in the morning and they arrived at the Church of Anti-Blue-Pubes. “Noiz why are they wearing cop uniforms?” Aoba wanted to make sure that Noiz wasn’t turning him into the cops. “It’s just the priest uniform now I want you to meet Priest Python, he is a toxic mother fucker.” Noiz went from some what insane voice to happy doki fun time voice right quick. “Uhm… Noiz why does he look like Shiro from Voltron? But with an even more lesbian hair cut?” “Shut the fuck up you Naruto reject.” Python hissed at Aoba. “Okay can I just be a priest now?” “I guess but I don’t like your kind around these parts of California.” Python gyrated his body to simulate seduction. Noiz introduced Priest Ike to Aoba and… “Okay lookie here Mr. 2000s Workout DVD trainer, just how much to they pay me and can I get a restraining order on Noiz because he told me he was a registered sex offender.” “Like 900 dollars per sacrifice and this isn’t the police department.” 

Aoba is now longer gonna deal with little kids screaming about video games, but he is going to deal with a threat that trembles humanity to pieces. 

#PraytheBluePubesAway


End file.
